Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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