Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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