i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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