can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize