God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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