He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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