Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize