time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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