dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
3 2 1 whiskey
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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