I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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