i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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