Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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