bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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