My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I supernannyed him into submission
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize