I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize