I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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