someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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