I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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