And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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