Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize