clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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