So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize