new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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