Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize