i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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