Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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