I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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