so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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