You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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