I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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