So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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