Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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