Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize