i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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