She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize