you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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