I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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