So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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