we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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