my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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