She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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