Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize