I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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