he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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