He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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