He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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