You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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