real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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