wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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