It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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